Me at the Gym looking tired.
Does anyone have the resolution to quit a dirty habit, and there are limited resources out there to help? I feel that is the case with my cigarette addiction. Could someone please leave information about hypnotism or a quit smoking group in New York? I’m going to leave my email at the bottom of this page.
This year my new year, I made three resolutions. One is to be one hundred percent honest to everyone, basically at all times. The other is to quit smoking. The last is to write on my blog and to get into phenomenal shape. Quitting smoking is the number one resolution I have. I feel It’s starting to impact my breathing enough for me to care about myself and my addiction.
I just wanted to say something because it’s a significant part of myself. A portion of myself that I cannot dismiss or let go because it’s with me all the time. I have to say that, for the most part, people are more disturbed by me when I am symptomatic. I struggle with bipolar disorder, and it is severe when I don’t take my medications. I have incredibly lousy mood swings when I’m not medicated. It seems silly, but I usually take one shower a day when I take my medication, but when I’m manic, I take three or more showers a day.
Manic is the state of mania. Manic can consists of a lot of different things. It’s slightly different for everyone. For me being manic, I will be all over the place late at night, walking around in the streets. I have hit one of my close friends, I have yelled at my mom. I shoplifted from a sporting goods store, but the clothes I shoplifted under my regular clothes.
They say when someone goes on an episode, they don’t remember what happened during that episode. An episode is a period where a patient is off their medication or medications, or the patient is on the wrong drugs causing them to be symptomatic. Symptomatic is when a patient is experiencing symptoms of their mental illness, and It relates to all mental illnesses, not just bipolar. A person experiencing symptoms of their mental illness could be a person with Bipolar, Schizophrenia, schizoaffective disorder, major depressive disorder, OCD, Borderline personality disorder, and that’s all the disorders I know that interested me. I have read the DSM-5, but I only read the parts that interested me.
Some people had asked me why I went off of my medications when I knew I would end up in the mental hospital. I said something like, yea, I knew I was going to the mental hospital, but It’s more fun to be off of my medications. I love meeting all my new friends in the hospital as well. Most of them I never talked to again. But after the last time in the psychiatric unit, also known as a mental hospital, I made a firm decision in my head that I will take all my medications as prescribed, forever if I have to.
I would much rather be sane and have a company than be manic and have nobody because when I am manic, I lose some of my friends and respect from my family.
I have a lot more to blog about in terms of my mental illness and the survival. I’m thrilled to be doing well and that my friends forgave me. I love my life even though I will have to be medicated for life. I don’t mind taking the psychiatric medications, whatever it takes for me and my friends and family to tolerate me and for me to tolerate them.
New Words 2020